- My son is in his first year of college, and he loves him.
- Recently he told me that he didn’t plan to live home again.
- I was destroyed at first, but I am glad he found his place and his people.
Anyone who has parenting a child in adulthood knows by letting them fly into the world is equal and useful equal parts. There can be an initial feeling of mourning or even deep loss when they set themselves – the one that experts say is a normal part of the transition of empty nests.
But in my case, there is another turn.
My only child was sent to college last fall. He left his home Midwest, friends and family back to southern California and is not looked back. Recently, during the winter break, he threw some news I would prepare, but still could not fully process: he never wants to live home again.
However, what may look on the surface like a big ouch is actually quite extraordinary. Let me explain why.
He has found his place and the people
At first, my child focused on a specific passion and a career path. He has always been a storyteller, and he especially loved the films. An intense class of cinema studies at high school melted his two loves. He was obsessed. He worked hard, did well academically and went into a scary film program halfway across the country.
There was no noise of the house from him during his first semester. The opposite is: He is enthusiastic and ready to learn. He has become good friends with the same -minded peers who share his appreciation for the screen. In short, my child is in his happy place.
That is why I did not withdraw during vacation breaks when he told me – in no uncertain terms – there is not much for him to return home.
While his discovery was a little annoying, I was not shocked or terribly upset. That’s because my son is prominent.
We both know completely well that he is where he should be now. He is placed on his college campus and is not interested in being anywhere else at this point, including his hometown. After all, it’s not like Midwest is an epicenter for the film industry.
The world is his oyster now. It includes a strong social life and strong career opportunities in a new, exciting city. Why would I want to blame him to enjoy his circumstances, even if they are more than a thousand miles away? Why his father and I insist that he would come home?
We don’t. Even if ultimately it means that we spend less time with it.
He is getting independent, and that is all I ever loved
When our son returned for vacation, I was hit by the way he would change, and I don’t want to say the beginner 15. He kept himself different, more confident.
It was clear that he would already go through the challenge of first -year independence with flying colors. He left the family of the house, left solo and exploded his way. The young man who returned home was a much different version of the one we left in August.
Instead of being sad, I was so proud and excited. We did what every parent wants: to raise children in successful and happy adults.
He can always come home
My son knows that he can always return home and will always have a place under our roof. That is to say, there is a chance that I will be a motherless mother at home for the summer if he finds a job or practice in the Socal after the spring semester. And that’s okay.
This is his time to extend, raise and make his own choices, including where he spends his time and hangs his hat. I know this does not mean that he is rejecting me or his father. On the contrary, he is becoming a young young man who hoped he would make his way into the world.
Observing our children build their lives without us is our bitter reward as parents. What we were registered for, after all.
So instead of being sad, we will focus on the passage of the best quality we can with it. This will probably include many other trips to the Pacific time zone.
Sand, sun and boy visits? Sounds good for me.